He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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