Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
