currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
