I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize