The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I see more hoeing in ur future
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
