So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
