I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
