His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
