Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
