And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
