Princesses don't give blow jobs
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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