Got a toothbrush?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
