He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
