Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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