These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
