half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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