All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
