jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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