He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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