Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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