And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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