i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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