Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
