I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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