I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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