You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
