you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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