a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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