wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
