Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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