Is it because I queefed?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
