I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize