It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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