So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
