it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
