Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize