I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
