I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
