Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
