Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
