they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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