taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
