The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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