You're so nebulous sometimes
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
