It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
