when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
