in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
