You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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