You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
