the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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