Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
