just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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