have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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