i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
