he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
