your parents love me but you hate me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
