I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
