I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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