I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
