you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
