on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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