Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
