Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
