Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
