Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
