we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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