I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
