Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
