so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
