There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
